Recognizing Gaslighting: Reclaim Your Confidence

By Jeshanna Forrister

I remember the moment it clicked. I was standing in my kitchen, listening to him say, “You’re so forgetful. You just don’t remember.” His dismissive tone was painful and familiar. His words left me questioning myself—again. But this time, something shifted. I finally realized what I was experiencing. This was gaslighting—a subtle, damaging form of manipulation.

What Is Gaslighting?

According to Psychology Today, Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation that causes you to question your experiences and reality. The Gaslighter twists facts, denies truths, and invalidates your feelings to gain control. The term comes from the play Gaslight, where a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her sanity. Today, the term describes behavior that creates confusion, erodes self-trust, and damages identity.

Gaslighting vs. Healthy Disagreements

Not every disagreement is gaslighting. Mislabeling disagreements can hinder our personal growth. Here’s how to distinguish between the two:

Allow for Disagreements

Disagreements are normal and healthy. People have different perspectives. Ask yourself:

• Can I hear their perspective, and can they hear mine?
• Are they trying to create doubt about my perception of reality?

Passion and persuasion aren’t the same as manipulation.

Accept Constructive Feedback

Feedback that stings isn’t always gaslighting. Constructive criticism aims to help, not deny your feelings or reality.

Recognize Poor Communication

Frustration or insensitivity doesn’t always equal gaslighting. Ask:

• Is there a pattern of undermining my self-trust?
• Or is it isolated poor communication?

How to Recognize Gaslighting

Identifying gaslighting can be challenging, especially if it’s ongoing. Ask these questions to uncover it:

1. Do they deny your reality?
   • Example: “That never happened. You’re imagining things.”
2. Do they twist facts to suit their narrative?
   • Example: After canceling plans, they claim, “You always cancel last minute.”
3. Do they minimize your emotions?
   • Example: “You’re being ridiculous. This isn’t a big deal.”
4. Do they blame you for their actions?
   • Example: “I wouldn’t yell if you weren’t so difficult.”
5. Do they isolate you from others?
   • Example: “Your friends don’t care about you like I do.”
6. Do they forget or deny agreements?
   • Example: “We never discussed that.”

My Turning Point

In my kitchen that day, I knew I wasn’t forgetful. I was experiencing gaslighting. I chose to believe my memories and experiences instead of his words. That decision led to bold actions, including walking away from a toxic relationship. If I peaked your interest and you want to know more about my story, read here

Breaking Free from Gaslighting

Healing takes time, but every step toward truth matters. Here’s how to start:

1. Trust the Truth

Get curious about your thoughts and feelings. Are the doubts yours, or are they planted by someone else?

2. Trust Your Gut

Listen to your instincts. When something feels off, it probably is.

3. Name the Behavior

Labeling gaslighting empowers you to separate it from your identity. You don’t have to confront the Gaslighter immediately.

4. Seek Outside Validation

Talk to trusted friends, counselors, or coaches for objective perspectives.

5. Journal the Process

Writing helps you process emotions and organize thoughts.

6. Set and Honor Boundaries

Boundaries protect your well-being. Communicate them clearly and enforce them consistently.

Moving Forward with Confidence

Gaslighting thrives in silence and isolation. Trusting yourself and naming the behavior are powerful first steps. You deserve freedom, confidence, and joy.

Take courage—you’ve got this!